What to expect when you weren't expecting!

My head is swishing like I have been On The tilt a whirl too long and the rest of my body is a clammy mess. Looking at the ceiling in my third floor attic walk up I see that only one of the three flood lights  remain lit. I ask myself  how long have those been out and how can three minutes last this long?  Its as if eternity has been spread out in my bathroom the cracked tile and tilted toilet helplessly adrift. My eyes bore holes at that one line the one that makes all the difference both the start line and the finish line all that stands between what was expected and the mysterious haze of the unknown.

As that second line appears all the breath leaves my body And I too am adrift helpless weightless and terrified. A thousand questions mix with worry I am rattled and numb. Thoughts circulate am I ready? Is he ready? Are we ready?  I remember to breath as Oxygen and reality come rushing back to me. 

 We decided that night we would keep the baby and do our absolute best to create a beautiful world for the biggest surprise of our life's. There were tears worry and wonder every step of the way. Writing this I am only 9 short weeks from meeting our sweet one. Join me on this adventure as I recount the mystery of pregnancy and the sure wealth of surprises that lay in store!

Soul truth

A beautiful world

Constantly evolving seeking and finding. Learning and leaving. I find myself in another transition of time and eternity alike. I am ready to embrace it! I have landed no longer restless I have roots. Not weighted by my commitments but freed and lightened by their existence. I am at peace.

My lover

New Lovers' Prayer

Let not love faded leave us jaded
Beached upon cold beds
As we hide from the pain that is etched
On the insides of our eyelids
By looking but not seeing
What lies in front of us
Until we ourselves fade
Into bitterest rust

Let not love hushed-to-grey
Lead us away - to seek out colour
Far from one another, lover
Forgetting that once we lay
Together and were grateful
And joyful
And separate
And did not resent 

Eir LindstromHolmy

The heart of the matter

When the happy sunny days are swept away by clouds of change

Distrust

anger

Jealousy 

To remain still in the sea of feelings that drown

hurt

doubt 

replace

Hold still to what is your freedom 

and your hands 

India Arie heart of the matter

The Things we want

The things in life may pass us bye, waiting and wondering when and how and why.
All the plans we made and planed and waited for.

I watched and I never saw the things I built
strong and brightly lit.

Star Gazing

Tonight I feel like stargazing but can't seem to rise from my chair.
Instead Ill read of heaven and wonder what is there.

A Clear Midnight

THIS is thy hour O Soul, thy free flight into the wordless,
Away from books, away from art, the day erased, the lesson done,
Thee fully forth emerging, silent, gazing, pondering the themes thou
lovest best.
Night, sleep, and the stars. 

Walt Whitman